ROCK AND ROLL IS DEAD & I KILLED IT. Sick of your parents telling you how new music sucks? Do something about it! Wear one of these bad boys while you're popping a cap in rock and roll's ass. Or, maybe you're a bitter old person who can't bear the thought of Madonna being in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. You might as well make a clean break with the past. Buy one of these t-shirts. Now.
NO SHIT SHERLOCK. We're all entitled to a bad, visual pun. Even online apparel merchants have their lapses in judgment. We have big enough balls to sell this t-shirt, but we're too girly to spell out "sh*t" uncensored. Go figure.
PIG LATIN: UCKFAY OUYAY. Show your penchant for dead languages and exhibit general intellectual snobbery with this tribute to pigs. And Latin. Or something. Latina porcinus ad nauseum. We think it's funny.

MY PARENTS WERE HELD CAPTIVE BY SOMALI PIRATES AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT. Your folks had a great time someplace nice but they didn't bring you back anything? Get 'em one of these. If they were really held by Somali pirates, then they must be rich, and you can afford a box full of these t-shirts. They're ideal for wearing while you're redeeming those mutual funds to make ransom. Arrrrrrr.
IRON DEATH CHOPPERS. Wear an authentic wearable from the rebel custom bike shop made famous right here on the internet. No, this t-shirt has nothing to do with Nazis. We hate Nazis. You should, too. That's a Maltese cross. We don't hate people from Malta. Or bikers.
NORTH KOREA'S KIM JONG IL. You know him. You love him. Why not show your devotion to the Dear Leader with one of these two t-shirt designs? We have the stylish "Progress Through Paranoia: Sex, Drugs and Tasty Kim Chee Since 1994" and the ever-popular "Lir'l Kim Fan Club: Don't You Wish Your Boyfriend Was a Fleak Rike Me?" As long as he's going to be lobbing missiles at Alaska, we might as well show our appreciation. These shirts are actually made in an American sweat shop, but they have all the quality of their North Korean counterparts. We think the artwork's cool, and it has those Obama colors of which you Yankee imperialist hegemonists are so fond. Click directly on the appropriate picture for more info.

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It's autumn, a season of death and
brown things. Cheer up with one of our optimistic yet stylish shirts.
BOUNTY HUNTER. Genuine, and every bit as official and legitimate as a real bounty hunter, these t-shirts will let the bad guys know you mean business. Maybe you can get your own TV show if you wear this often enough.
JAMAICAN JERK CHICKEN. "Let's talk pecking order" says this foul fowl, scourge of the Caribbean. He's tasty but tasteless, and annoyingly authentic. If you've ever been to Jamaica, you've been accosted by roadside vendors hawking this insanely spicy bird, served from rusty, 50-gallon drums with all of the sanitation and hygiene that's a hallmark of Third World dining. This chicken is more than a jerk, he's a bumboclot (ask a Jamaican). Yes, you can also ask us about our genuinely rude curried goat, if you'd like.
NOSTRADAMUS PREDICTED ME. It seems that prophecy is the big poop lately, and the head shoveller, at least historically, was Nostradamus. We met a guy in Vegas once who could predict with uncanny accuracy the winners of various sporting events but, aside from him, Nostradamus seems to have been the most accurate prognosticator of vague, cryptic events that may or may not have occurred. Yep, we're talking specificity with a capital "L". As a devotee of Monsieur Nostradamus, you'll want to tell the world that you showed up in one of the guy's quatrains, even if he did spell your name wrong. Oops.
BEST IF USED BY 12-21-12. Speaking of prophecies, this one's a doozy: the Pre-Columbian Mayans tell us that the calendar--and, without any leap of logic, that must mean the world, too--is ending on December 21, 2012. Apparently, we all have an expiration date. Wear yours proudly, but act now, while civilization lasts.